This is a question asked by several vistors to this site.
REPLY. No. When I began dating online, I went in with the intent to use it as a means to keep from committing to a relationship too quickly. I had always managed to get into a committed relationship too soon, before I took the time to really know a man. It is well known that men and women are on their best behavior for the first few months of a relationship and that the real person truly comes out during times of distress or after the “infatuation” period is over.
With respect to online dating, I wasn’t enamored by incoming messages but rather used them to keep a level head. It simply served as reminder to not get too serious too soon. Prior to dating online, sometimes when getting to know someone, I found myself in a vacuum where I felt that I just wanted to make the relationship work, regardless of whether it was in my best interest – as if there would not be an opportunity to begin another relationship elsewhere or for lack of wanting to bother with looking for another potential mate. With online dating, I was able to keep from getting “tunnel vision”. However, I found myself into Acie very quickly and I was torn between sticking to reason or jumping in to what seemed to be the start of a wonderful relationship. There was still so much more to get to know about Acie.
In addition to this concern, there was another obstacle to overcome. Prior to the onset of our disagreements, (mentioned in the blog post “What happened”) I was really feeling Acie emotionally. Although Acie is an attractive man, I had not yet developed a physical attraction. Although I have decided to hold off on physical intimacy, I still consider physical attraction a very real and important aspect of the success of a relationship.
I knew from experience that physical attraction is not always immediate, particularly for women. It often grows out of an emotional connection. My best past relationships lead with an emotional attraction and THEN the physical attraction followed. In these relationships, I was not remotely physically attracted to the man I was seeing, but after I fell for their mind and their persona- that very same man became the finest man on the planet, to me. People couldn’t tell me otherwise (although some tried)! Conversely, my most futile relationships lead with a physical attraction. With this in mind, I really wanted to give the relationship with Acie a chance to develop. Actually, I discussed this matter with him, among others, when asked for an honest explanation as to why I was not ready to commit. What an awkward conversation.
We both then agreed to continue to see each other but with the understanding that we would have to make a decision about the relationship within the next date or two.
Although I did not want to move forward with a commitment at that point, I stopped interacting with other men both on and offline, unbeknownst to Acie. Would have telling him that I made this decision benefited our relationship? Would it have caused a greater pressure to "rush" or “force” the relationship to work? Or would it have been leading him on to anticipate something that may not have materialized- causing greater hurt in the end?
Each relationship is an opportunity to learn.
I understood that Acie began to get tired of waiting for my decision to commit, and I took it into consideration when I felt that some of his actions were attributable to that frustration. However, in the end, I feel that I made the right decision. Even after taking his frustration into consideration, during moments of distress and while learning our differences, I was able to discern that we were not compatible- before getting of our emotions even more intertwined- making it much more hurtful and difficult to dissolve the relationship.
All of these thoughts and some of the conversations were captured on film but most were not aired. The footage was edited out for the sake of time constraints. Keep in mind that ABC covered 11 women in 5 hours and my footage by itself was 200 hours.
Reisha
UPCOMING POST: I will answer these questions from ventureheart.com visitors in the next blog post.
Do you think the presence of the camera crew (and the pressure of publicizing what would ordinarily be a private experience) had any impact on the demise of your relationship with Acie (or was it just not meant to be)?