Do you think the presence of the camera crew (and the pressure of publicizing what would ordinarily be a private experience) had any impact on the demise of your relationship with Acie (or was it just not meant to be)?
REPLY: Yes and no. Before going further, I want to give you a visual of the setup. Most of the time, we had one cameraperson with us, occasionally two, that had a hand held camera with no ABC markings. ABC NEWS tried to be as unobtrusive as possible. There were no producers around, no big microphone following us, no big bright lights, etc. It almost looked as if we were making a student film.
In certain aspects yes, I think that the camera added pressure and escalated issues in our relationship. In particular, my cameraperson probed me about my hesitation to kiss. So I told him about how I want to reserve my next kiss for the man with whom I anticipate spending the rest of my life. After saying that on national television, I felt enormous pressure to be absolutely sure that Acie was “the one”. It was like being in a pressure-cooker, trying to balance my concerns, while being sensitive to Acie’s feelings and expectations. If there were no cameras, it is possible that I would have moved forward with less information about Acie and the viability of our relationship. However, in the end, I feel that the camera was an asset in this regard. It helped me adhere to my conviction, which was best (as explained in my blog posts “What happened?” and “Commitment and Online Dating”). Being on camera has given me a greater resolve to take my time before jumping into a commitment.
Now, the issue about my being abstinent, really was not a problem for me. I had been adhering to my position prior to filming the show and would have continued to adhere to it regardless of whether cameras were present (see my blog post “Reactions to my first episode”).
I think that for Acie, now this is just a guess, he was under pressure to maintain the “male” image. Clearly I am not a man and don’t know all that is involved but I think that he didn’t want to appear to be weak- particularly in the end. When his frustration was building with the relationship, he may have acted in ways that he would not have otherwise, just to keep up “appearances” or because he was tiring of the camera. However, I still must commend him for being open to even dating on national television. Acie exposed himself completely. He stepped up where many men wouldn’t agree to be filmed. I found him to be very open and honest and he was very brave to share his feelings with 4 million viewers. Many men won’t even share feelings in a private living room during a one-on-one conversation!!
Another thing that added pressure to the cooker was the fact that the cameraperson had a one-on-one with each of us periodically during the date. So here we were sitting in another room being questioned about the other person, while that other person was waiting- left to wonder “What are they saying in there?!”. We were not allowed to discuss what was said. No matter how you put it…that was nerve racking. Neither one of us wanted to put it all on the line if the other person was saying that they weren’t feeling it- particularly because we knew that 4 million other people in America would soon see the whole picture that we weren’t seeing!!
On the other hand, I must say that after a while, I forgot that the camera was there. At one point, my emotions for Acie became stronger that the distraction of the camera.
UPCOMING POST: I will answer this question from ventureheart.com visitors in a blog post in the upcoming week:
Overall, how would you rate your experience with online dating in general and the "Hooking Up" taping experience in particular?
REPLY: Yes and no. Before going further, I want to give you a visual of the setup. Most of the time, we had one cameraperson with us, occasionally two, that had a hand held camera with no ABC markings. ABC NEWS tried to be as unobtrusive as possible. There were no producers around, no big microphone following us, no big bright lights, etc. It almost looked as if we were making a student film.
In certain aspects yes, I think that the camera added pressure and escalated issues in our relationship. In particular, my cameraperson probed me about my hesitation to kiss. So I told him about how I want to reserve my next kiss for the man with whom I anticipate spending the rest of my life. After saying that on national television, I felt enormous pressure to be absolutely sure that Acie was “the one”. It was like being in a pressure-cooker, trying to balance my concerns, while being sensitive to Acie’s feelings and expectations. If there were no cameras, it is possible that I would have moved forward with less information about Acie and the viability of our relationship. However, in the end, I feel that the camera was an asset in this regard. It helped me adhere to my conviction, which was best (as explained in my blog posts “What happened?” and “Commitment and Online Dating”). Being on camera has given me a greater resolve to take my time before jumping into a commitment.
Now, the issue about my being abstinent, really was not a problem for me. I had been adhering to my position prior to filming the show and would have continued to adhere to it regardless of whether cameras were present (see my blog post “Reactions to my first episode”).
I think that for Acie, now this is just a guess, he was under pressure to maintain the “male” image. Clearly I am not a man and don’t know all that is involved but I think that he didn’t want to appear to be weak- particularly in the end. When his frustration was building with the relationship, he may have acted in ways that he would not have otherwise, just to keep up “appearances” or because he was tiring of the camera. However, I still must commend him for being open to even dating on national television. Acie exposed himself completely. He stepped up where many men wouldn’t agree to be filmed. I found him to be very open and honest and he was very brave to share his feelings with 4 million viewers. Many men won’t even share feelings in a private living room during a one-on-one conversation!!
Another thing that added pressure to the cooker was the fact that the cameraperson had a one-on-one with each of us periodically during the date. So here we were sitting in another room being questioned about the other person, while that other person was waiting- left to wonder “What are they saying in there?!”. We were not allowed to discuss what was said. No matter how you put it…that was nerve racking. Neither one of us wanted to put it all on the line if the other person was saying that they weren’t feeling it- particularly because we knew that 4 million other people in America would soon see the whole picture that we weren’t seeing!!
On the other hand, I must say that after a while, I forgot that the camera was there. At one point, my emotions for Acie became stronger that the distraction of the camera.
UPCOMING POST: I will answer this question from ventureheart.com visitors in a blog post in the upcoming week: Overall, how would you rate your experience with online dating in general and the "Hooking Up" taping experience in particular?