A visitor asked me- I think it will be a challenge for you to find that "patient" man. You can have massages, dance provocatively with him on the dance floor, cuddle on the couch but not even a kiss will be exchanged without a commitment to marriage?
I can answer by saying that I have encountered a number of men that are patient with delaying intimacy in a serious relationship. The key word there is – serious relationship. In my experience, men that are looking for something meaningful, find the potential for developing a successful long-term relationship more important than instant physical gratification. I am not implying that sex isn’t important- clearly men and women are naturally driven to be physically attracted to one another and delaying intimacy is a challenge- for both parties. I am stating that men I have dated have said that they would rather not jeopardize the relationship by imposing on boundaries that I set. The men found qualities in me and the potential of the relationship more important. Each said, in his own way, that there would be plenty of time later for physical intimacy. In one example, I dated a very eligible bachelor- attractive, successful business owner, bright,…etc- for three years without kissing, yet and still he propositioned marriage countless times- and continues to do so to this day. In another example, a very handsome, educated, athletic, man that I used to date, struggles to find women that will be patient with his position on delaying intimacy until marriage. He has been abstinent for five years now.
I find that this patience from men is something that becomes more common as men grow older and seek a marriage partner. Until then, it can be tough to find. In my experience, the men I dated still wanted to share physical closeness with me, even though it was understood that were not going to become intimate So, they were open to cuddling, holding hands, etc, without becoming frustrated. My theory is that although they knew that things weren’t going to go any further, to them, this behavior affirmed that I found them physically attractive- an important factor in any relationship. To address the question of dancing provocatively (referencing my footage on “Hooking Up”) - viewers have to remember that editors poured over hours of footage to find a clip that would intrigue the audience. As a result of camera angles, the distance we had on the dance floor was greater than what it appeared to be on television. To address massages (again referencing my footage on “Hooking Up”)- we were both covered and looked at the massage as two mature adults receiving a health benefit after a long stress-filled week, not something sexual. Acie actually fell asleep.
I refer to something that I said when I appeared on “The View”- I have found that men have been more impatient with the fact that I wasn’t committed to them than with my not wanting to be physically intimate. Some felt that since I wasn’t having sex with them, then I must have been having sex with someone- that I possibly couldn’t have been abstinent.
Many women feel like abstinence, even if momentary, is too much to ask of a man. Why is this? Is it for fear of losing him to another woman that would give him instant sexual gratification? Is it for lack of confidence in the ability to keep him interested without physical intimacy? Is it because of expectations of instant sex that society has cultivated through images in the media and entertainment?
I would like to hear your thoughts.
Reisha
I can answer by saying that I have encountered a number of men that are patient with delaying intimacy in a serious relationship. The key word there is – serious relationship. In my experience, men that are looking for something meaningful, find the potential for developing a successful long-term relationship more important than instant physical gratification. I am not implying that sex isn’t important- clearly men and women are naturally driven to be physically attracted to one another and delaying intimacy is a challenge- for both parties. I am stating that men I have dated have said that they would rather not jeopardize the relationship by imposing on boundaries that I set. The men found qualities in me and the potential of the relationship more important. Each said, in his own way, that there would be plenty of time later for physical intimacy. In one example, I dated a very eligible bachelor- attractive, successful business owner, bright,…etc- for three years without kissing, yet and still he propositioned marriage countless times- and continues to do so to this day. In another example, a very handsome, educated, athletic, man that I used to date, struggles to find women that will be patient with his position on delaying intimacy until marriage. He has been abstinent for five years now.
I find that this patience from men is something that becomes more common as men grow older and seek a marriage partner. Until then, it can be tough to find. In my experience, the men I dated still wanted to share physical closeness with me, even though it was understood that were not going to become intimate So, they were open to cuddling, holding hands, etc, without becoming frustrated. My theory is that although they knew that things weren’t going to go any further, to them, this behavior affirmed that I found them physically attractive- an important factor in any relationship. To address the question of dancing provocatively (referencing my footage on “Hooking Up”) - viewers have to remember that editors poured over hours of footage to find a clip that would intrigue the audience. As a result of camera angles, the distance we had on the dance floor was greater than what it appeared to be on television. To address massages (again referencing my footage on “Hooking Up”)- we were both covered and looked at the massage as two mature adults receiving a health benefit after a long stress-filled week, not something sexual. Acie actually fell asleep.
I refer to something that I said when I appeared on “The View”- I have found that men have been more impatient with the fact that I wasn’t committed to them than with my not wanting to be physically intimate. Some felt that since I wasn’t having sex with them, then I must have been having sex with someone- that I possibly couldn’t have been abstinent.
Many women feel like abstinence, even if momentary, is too much to ask of a man. Why is this? Is it for fear of losing him to another woman that would give him instant sexual gratification? Is it for lack of confidence in the ability to keep him interested without physical intimacy? Is it because of expectations of instant sex that society has cultivated through images in the media and entertainment?
I would like to hear your thoughts.
Reisha