A visitor to ventureheart.com recently asked my opinion of crossing the color line in dating. She says she loves brothas but is considering a change out of boredom. To her, I say:
I do understand where you are coming from. However, this could be a good or bad move. Good because if you are dissatisfied in your current search then taking a different path might actually lead you to a hidden treasure or confirm that the way you were headed in the first place works best for you. On the other hand, if you just cross the color line to fill in time, you may end up hurting someone that falls for you- and that would create bad karma.
With that said, my general thoughts about crossing the color line vary according to the situation. Some people do it for:
THE WRONG REASONS:
Denial: Dating outside of your race because you do not accept your own- meaning you do not accept yourself.
Validation: Feeling that another race validates you in some way- such as raising your societal status or making you seem more cultured.
(I used to get angry at “deniers” and “validators” but now I feel sympathetic because I realize that they are not happy inside and are looking outside for completion.)
Thrill seeking: Crossing the color line for a temporary thrill. Much like I stated before, unless the other person is in it just for a thrill also, he/she may end up getting hurt.
Exoticism: Being drawn to the unknown or so-called exotic. I say “so-called” exotic because exotic is hard to define since that same person would most likely be considered ordinary in their own community. Eventually, the novelty of the unknown will wear off and the reality of the relationship will set in. Then how much fun will it be?
Cop-out: Dating another race because you feel that you will be able to get away with more or that person may be more subservient to you. It is easier to give someone the benefit of the doubt when you are less familiar with their background.
THE RIGHT REASONS:
Love
Mutual Respect
Compatibility
No explanation needed. Simply the same reasons someone would date someone within their own race. The rules should not be different when crossing the color line. So basically, if someone wants to cross the color line it should be for the right reasons.
I have focused my dating on Black men because I am drawn to the familiar- someone that shares my same interests, has had pretty much the same upbringing, and very similar life experiences. Nothing is to say that I can’t share this with someone of another race, it is just has happened for me more with brothas. I am also drawn to the color of a brotha’s skin, and intangibles such as the rhythm, soul, and strength of Black men, speaking Ebonics or making cultural jokes and having them understood, etc. So much of our culture has been lost or destroyed from our history and being with a Black man helps me feel closer to our past…but, I never know what tomorrow brings….