How crossing the color line plays out online is an interesting topic. In my last blog entry, I focused on crossing the color line in general- per the request of a reader. However, I think it may interesting to explore how interracial dating plays out online. From my personal experience, I have found that I was less likely to consider dating outside of my race online than offline. Speaking from the perspective of a woman, I have two reasons:
1. Online dating is already nerve racking enough. Not only is there the unknown about the other person’s true personality, but there is also the unknown about his background. A lot of what I call “smart” dating online is using sound judgment. What is judgment? I define judgment as making decisions based on past lessons learned or personal experiences.
Most of my close relationships and experiences have been with black men- from growing up around them (i.e. my father, my brother, uncles) to dating them. Although I have had relationships (personal and business) with men of many different races, clearly I am most knowledgeable about black men. So, it stands to reason that I am better able to discern when a black man is acting abnormally. One could argue that each man is different regardless of race, which is absolutely correct, however, each culture has particular nuances and I would have a better chance at knowing when something was up with a brotha.
2. It is my opinion that a great deal of men dating online are looking for something “different”. Furthermore, I believe that some of those men are using the internet to hide their exploits for fear of being caught dating someone that others in their immediate circle may find unacceptable. I am not limiting this to race. It could include a man hiding a relationship with a much younger woman, with a woman that has 20 body piercings, etc….whatever he feels may not fit into his world.
It is a fact that some may find interracial dating unacceptable. Thus, I feel that some of the men that are crossing the color line online are doing so to be undercover or for the “wrong reasons”, such as looking for a quick thrill, and not for the “right reasons”- like those listed in my last blog entry. I am also sensitive to the fact that black women are portrayed more often than not as hyper-sexual creatures in the media- particularly in music videos. I believe this fuels a fantasy in the minds of men, brothas included, but I feel that men of other races are more likely to buy into this fantasy as reality.
Neither of my reasons will fit every circumstance, everyone has to do what works for them.
1. Online dating is already nerve racking enough. Not only is there the unknown about the other person’s true personality, but there is also the unknown about his background. A lot of what I call “smart” dating online is using sound judgment. What is judgment? I define judgment as making decisions based on past lessons learned or personal experiences.
Most of my close relationships and experiences have been with black men- from growing up around them (i.e. my father, my brother, uncles) to dating them. Although I have had relationships (personal and business) with men of many different races, clearly I am most knowledgeable about black men. So, it stands to reason that I am better able to discern when a black man is acting abnormally. One could argue that each man is different regardless of race, which is absolutely correct, however, each culture has particular nuances and I would have a better chance at knowing when something was up with a brotha.
2. It is my opinion that a great deal of men dating online are looking for something “different”. Furthermore, I believe that some of those men are using the internet to hide their exploits for fear of being caught dating someone that others in their immediate circle may find unacceptable. I am not limiting this to race. It could include a man hiding a relationship with a much younger woman, with a woman that has 20 body piercings, etc….whatever he feels may not fit into his world.
It is a fact that some may find interracial dating unacceptable. Thus, I feel that some of the men that are crossing the color line online are doing so to be undercover or for the “wrong reasons”, such as looking for a quick thrill, and not for the “right reasons”- like those listed in my last blog entry. I am also sensitive to the fact that black women are portrayed more often than not as hyper-sexual creatures in the media- particularly in music videos. I believe this fuels a fantasy in the minds of men, brothas included, but I feel that men of other races are more likely to buy into this fantasy as reality.
Neither of my reasons will fit every circumstance, everyone has to do what works for them.